They scream

There is screaming inside of me. It sounds like too many people crushed together in a small space, crammed against each other, pressing against the inside of my soul. Elbowing each other, jostling for space. Screaming until their throats burn, each trying to be heard over the chaos inside but only the darkest thoughts come...

Reflections

What would I be, if I wasn't me? What if I was happy, healthy and sane? I see the reflection of the me who's not me Completely different but outwardly the same I see her, filled with love, life and such energy She is intelligent, wise, content and healthy With her eyes, open wide, so...

Heartbreak

I don't want to think of you, get out of my head Please, please stop thinking, I curl up in bed Covering my ears, and shutting my eyes tight I can't stop thinking about every fight You left me I know this, you're long gone So why are you still here? Why haven't I forgotten?...

Thank you for leaving

I want to write this to sincerely thank you for what you did to me. I know we both felt like shit at the time and it was really hard on both of us to go through but you did the right thing. We both clearly had/ have deep emotional issues that the other was...

Far away

  This whole routine is getting old. I’m sorry but it’s time someone told you. I know I sound like a bit of a dickhead but I can’t hold my tongue anymore. You go everyday, to the place where he left us, the top of the cliffs with that stupid crazy paving making steps to the...

Why?

Why am I so broken? Why haven't I found a cure? I'm on so many meds, I pop this pill and that pill. I go to therapy, intensive special therapy.  Three days a week I'm supposedly being treated. So why am I still broken?  Will I ever be okay? Or am I stuck like this? ...

Medication

Medication can make and break a person but it needs to be the right medication. When trying to treat mental illness it is not as simple as break a leg, here's the fix, have an infection? These antibiotics will cure you. The doctors can't see inside your brain, don't know what chemical mayhem is going...

My latest diary entry

Playing life

I can't play this part anymore, can't carry on this charade. This play of perfect people on this stage called life was never where I was supposed to be. I've been pulling on this mask and costume, playing a role I was never prepared for. I don't deserve to share the floor with other perfect...

Share this:

What is wrong with me?  Why does nobody know? Doctors, specialists, years of damage And here I sit without an answer