How can a sick mother, look after a sick child?

The holidays are over. Thank fuck for that. Neither of us would have lasted much longer.

Kids are beautiful and special and give meaning to your life.

He is the reason I get out of bed in the morning.

I cannot convey the relief I feel right now, having him back at school.

Relief

 

Raising children is incredibly hard work and every parent struggles now and then. But when said parent struggles to force herself through life and barely copes with her own mess, how is she meant to devote whatever is left to the raising of another life? And when said other life, is himself struggling to learn to control his impulses and emotions what are we to do?

I just want him to stop smashing up the house every time I say he can’t have cake for breakfast.Ā 

(Only a slight exaggeration).

He screams, I scream.

He cries, I cry.

sea.jpgWe’re both lost, drowning in a sea of emotions, neither of us able to find our way to the shore of sanity.

How is this fair on him?

When he is falling apart, I am supposed to be the one person in the world that can keep him together. I’m supposed to his rock. The solid foundation which the rest of his life will be built upon.

How can I be that for him, when I don’t have a foundation myself?

I’m exhausted, lost, confused.

I feel ashamed, a profound sense of guilt.

And I’m angry, with myself and with the healthcare system that is failing us both.

We live in a constant battle, the only signs; a broken box of confiscated toys he won’t stop throwing at me, the cracks in the walls where he literally bangs his head in frustration, half forgotten reward charts he rips off the walls.

And I’m trying, I’m trying so hard but I’m not enough. I need help, he needs help.

Time outs, don’t work. Counting to 10 doesn’t help.

Neither does;

  • His stress ball
  • Hitting teddies
  • Screaming into pillows
  • His feelings book
  • Ripping up his feelings book
  • Drawing his ‘anger monsters’
  • Ripping up his ‘anger monsters’

 

sick mother

What do I do now?Ā  Where do we go from here?

 

 

 

Photo one byĀ Kinga CichewiczĀ onĀ Unsplash

Photo two byĀ Barth BaileyĀ onĀ Unsplash

Photo three byĀ Meghan HolmesĀ onĀ Unsplash

9 thoughts on “How can a sick mother, look after a sick child?”

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  1. Depending on his age and symptoms, drugs. You know, the prescribed kind.
    I try every summer to do without for about a week or two because my son complains. His doctor told me that he will keep learning and growing and the medication helps until then; that many parents feel they are meeting their child for the first time when they get the right medication for them.

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    1. I was going to say “I’d love to drug my child.” But that just sounds terrible.
      I’m not opposed to using medication, I take more than enough to get me through the day, the problem comes in being able to access such support.
      Despite several referrals from a GP, the child and adolescent mental health service in my area are still umming and erring about assessing him, there are far too many children needing support from such an underfunded organisation, he could be on the waiting list for 18 months.

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      1. Man, that sucks! I don’t know where you live, so can’t offer specific advice. I’d ask Google.
        I also don’t know his specific issues. Mine’s are mostly addressed by looking at ADD/ADHD, and Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (a book recommended by his doctor) has been great. I just haven’t found much time to read…..

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      2. Yes, we’re leaning towards ADHD pending official diagnosis. I spend hours googling, I’ve got a million schemes and none of them last longer than a few weeks. I’ll definitely look into that book though, thank you!

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