Inspired by another post I saw, I decided to write a letter to my younger self.
To a sweet 13 year old,
You are hurting right now, hurting real bad, I know this because I am you, future you. Approaching 30 you.
You may be thinking, wow 30, so old! Have I got life all figured out by now?
Life still sucks, life is still a lot of pain and heartache and just waiting for the next crisis to happen.
I don’t want to have to be the one to tell you this but for you, the worst is yet to come.
Sorry about that.
Life right now, in 2018, is not all picnics and roses, it’s dark, it’s hard… But, it’s also kind of okay… In a way that’s not really describable. Everyone’s life has pain, loss… I’m not saying, it’s normal to feel the way you do now, we are most obviously not ‘normal’ but we’re okay.
We deal with the pain better now, we have reached out and are getting help, support, we can see the sun peaking through the black clouds above us.
We finally have people who love us, not despite of everything we have been through but because what we went through made us who we are.
Life is pain but it is also love, life is soul sucking depression but also being lifted by hope.
I know you are depressed, I know you have been self harming to cope with the hurt others throw on you, at times, you are suicidal and will be several times, over the course of your life.
You are sick, but you heal.
I can not and will not tell you how to avoid the shit coming your way because without the mess we wouldn’t be able to make it to where I am now.
Every new low and miniscule high is leading you somewhere. Grit your teeth and fight your way through it, I am proof you will survive, damaged but whole.
At 28 we are still damaged but we are over the hump of life, the worst is behind us, we made it through with only a few scars and bad memories and from where I am standing, life can only get better from here.
In another 15 years, future me will check in with the me I am now and I know, I will be proved right.
So I’m not full of advice, I’m not going to tell you to ignore the people putting you down, I’m not going to tell you to follow your dreams. The only thing I want to tell you is; you will survive.
Stay strong X