Trying to figure out what is wrong with my mind appears to be impossible, I’m some sort of medical mystery. I take this pill, that pill, record everything I think and feel, how much I eat, how much I sleep and still no one knows.
Some people tell me to try harder, do more. As if I am not doing everything within my power already. What more do I have to do to prove I don’t want to feel this way?
It’s all so much effort. So much energy spent rushing to appointments that don’t mean anything with people who don’t care either way. Energy spent making sure I remember to do everything at home, pills 3 times a day, mood diary every night.
It would all be so much easier if I just gave up, let myself be the crazy person I was so obviously meant to be.
Nothing can fix me, no one can save me. So why bother trying at all?